to write..

Stories help me.  It seems as if Hansel and Gretel can get through a story made up by German folk, I can get through my own life as complicated as it is.  I wish things were easier, but in fact they shouldn't be. It adds to the plot.  Makes you turn the pages quicker.  I want to write.

Instead of writing about art modeling, I will write bits and pieces of tales.  Somewhere along the way I will write a story, but this is how I am doing it.  Otherwise I will be writing half stories at work and get nowhere.  I need to write and I need encouragement, or the opposite.  Nasty, horrible people should help as well.  Really, they are a part of life, and without them I would be something out of Disney World.  I have never written a fairy tale before, so this should be fun.  I'm inspired by Mary Shelley, tales in which women lose shoes, the Never Ending Story and its snakes, the symbolism of dreams, and the need for a dream of my own.

the beginning.

Dallas

Life is so much prettier with a dream.  It seems I have lost most of my dreams, left them in some puddle in Indianapolis.  A lot of things happened there.  I can't tell you everything, only that my life feels much smaller here in Dallas.

  I want to dream.  If I could dream like I used to it would be beautiful.  I am much much shier than I have ever been, but I am sweet.  I am going to explore Dallas and I hope you will join me. I love libraries, public transport, and of course art.  I miss writing y'all.  Should be nice to reacquaint.

Books on Shelby Street

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  I miss you. I wish we could be living in the same century.  I wonder if you could read this.

I've always loved Oscar Wilde, but never really knew him.  It's awkward saying that.  Sometimes I wish, I don't know, I wish perhaps I didn't know that I truly adored him.  You can tell a lot about people in what they state concisely.  Shut up.  I try soooo hard to write two to three paragraphs here :smile:

Well anyway I adore the man based off of his quotations and a film about his life.  And, I wish I knew him.  He'd be a great mentor, older brother, boy -ahem- gay hairdresser.  In this life I have O. Wilde's collection of work.  Complete & Unabridged according to Octopus Books Limited.  I could not stop crying, because it was the best parting gift.  Thank you, Mike.

On the taxi ride home I told the driver a little story about Cleopatra and how she met Julius Caesar.  If you want to know more about Egypt, Books Unlimited is your place.  There are many places you can go with so many books, but concisely, I wish I could live at Books Unlimited. I just didn't ask.

...

my communication skills right now..

..stay tuned/be patient for perhaps some coherent English.

..

7O5T & #oUND

I found my diary. It is a sheer delight. Okay. It wasn't so much that I found her, just we started writing again and I feel better. You my dear are not my diary...and I am thankful for that.

Back in the day I knew a little old man, perhaps he was Tibetan  - quoted the Dalai Lama enough - but definitely Buddhist.  He gave me this reeeally cool compass and since then I..sometimes I lose my way even with it. But you always return.  Somehow you find home.  I travel.  I feel safe to travel and I love it.

I know what's good for me and that's the important part.  If you don't you're screwed. :laugh: It is certainly not that easy.  It's painful for me take directions when others cannot explain to me how they got there. It's painful for me to take others' advice for truth. It is partially.  This is my truth and not yours.  You find your own map.  If I am lucky Jo is bringing me a Chinese one.  I was lucky enough to travel so much when I was young, but I am luckier now to know when I am done.  Wish me luck on my new home. <3

PS If you would like to write, please do :smile: especially if this is translated for you. I adore other languages. Don't got no fish in ma ear, but I :heart: reading your views on the world.

Snow Art Models Collective
po box 33583
Indianapolis, IN 46203

PPS If you like, include a map of your city. Make sure it's not in English if not in the EEUU/USA. Take care y'all. We'll talk bout those artsy models soon.

a really useful book

If there is a wonderful hobby it is reading books.  I love it. Peaceful, and something to do on a rainy day like this. Indoor photography is good on days like this, speaking of hobbies.  But anyway, gonna read today.

There is only one short pamphlet on diet and weight management in the doctor's office, so I am going to check out something on gaining weight.  The library has everything! I found out, or rather, researched about ancient religions of the Middle East.  They're not at Half-Price Books sadly, but rare books are always at the library.  Have a good day today.

Cuidate.

beauty.008

I started going to Catholic Mass. I don't know why I'm doing a confessional here.

La Catrina

It helps. It always has to understand others. I've read so many published diaries, anyway, I am just as vulnerable as everyone.  I just have the stupidity to express it. Thank you Sabrina, Rita, SARK and Anaïs.  All I am going to divulge as far as emotions is that it takes a lot for me to believe a compliment nowadays.

#I got to day 20 in eating three meals a day.

#Depression + stress make you lose hunger.

#Hunger is a Godsend.  Loss of hunger is annoying. You can stare at food for an hour or the taste of food makes you sick.

#Some people gain weight when stressed; I apparently lose weight.

A better place for a confessional is the alteration shop. Used to work in a very good one a few years ago.  The most kind woman I have ever met told me, "Don't ever gain weight. It's not good."  The truth is, she was fine.  Change in body weight is what alteration shops are MADE for.  This beautiful woman had just told me she had become a director for a non-profit and had been working unrelenting hours.  Well, ditto but I became a skeleton. 4 hours of sleep each night for most of the week and lousy eating habits...yeah.  Sadly it makes me happy that my family hasn't seen me yet.

I know I am a stranger, but I just wanted to let you know things are getting better.  It just takes effort to take care of yourself, especially when you are working on concepts bigger than yourself as an individual. Cuidate. I'm trying to as well. 12:01am It just became Day of the Dead, November 1st.  Remember those who have passed...but know that I will not be among them soon.